Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
