there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
