he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
