Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
barbara walters just said penis...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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