I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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