We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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