I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
