I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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