at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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