I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
