Will you blow on my dice?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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