don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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