It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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