I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
