I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
