peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
operation have a gay friend backfired
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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