So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
