allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
