remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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