sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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