Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
