There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
