he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
