this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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