I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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