What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
