my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
