he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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