I puked a lego.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
