She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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