He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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