What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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