Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
