Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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