If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
