Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize