Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
