OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
