it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In America we eat man semen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
