The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
