Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
