Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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