I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
