you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
