just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize