About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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