im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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