then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
