I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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