Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize