I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
