how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
