i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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