We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
