and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
