I am in a vortex of obligation.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
