the day after is always just damage control
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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