I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
as a side note pls kill me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
