You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
