blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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