Welp...herpes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
