I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
