I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize